Tuesday, September 18, 2007

This is sooooo Funny!

This is so funny that I had to share it with all of you...makes me think about my own training for the Furnace Creek 508 bike race:) I will share with you all the details of the bike race in the next few days..all I can say is this: I have great respect for those who are endurance bike riders, my feet are much better on the ground than in toe clips!!!
I will also tell you about Coach Cathy and her 2nd place WIN at the 24 hour Mt. Bike race this past weekend on just 5 weeks of training.
And to our friend George..#10 AC 100...your amazing!!

Love to you all

A WEEK AT THE GYM If you can read this through without laughing out loud.... well perhaps you should go yourself. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary, For my 60th birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY : Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

TUESDAY : I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY : The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

THURSDAY : Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny witch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine - which I sank.

FRIDAY : I hate that witch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the Darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY : Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching 11 straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY : I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!


Anonymous said...

This reminds you of your 508 training? Does that make me "that witch Belinda"?

Matt Hart said...

absolutely hilarious!

Anonymous said...

this is great!
508, your nuts!
Susan M.

Bob - BlogMYruns.com said...

I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel (the little brat) will choose a gift for me that is fun -like a root canal or a hysterectomy.
too many funny parts & a great closing--lolol thx

NOW focus in on ur "5 0 8" !!! YOU R going to do G R E A T ! ! !

I need a few more validations on HOW friggin strong & amazing U women are :-) FOCUS TIME BABY!!!

Look forward to more details about the 508 and HOW YOU ARE READY for IT, DANG IT!!

Anonymous said...

Oh man...

Please let us know who wrote that "A Week At the Gym"... I literally had tears in my eyes laughing. Brilliant.

I know so many endurance cyclists that have said "Badwaters??? That's IMPOSSIBLE... What kind of masochist would even want to run that?" You can absolutely do this-- and that you're able to balance family, work and taking on a new routine that's out of your "comfort zone"; even just trying such a thing demonstrates an incredible, and incredibly inspiring, attitude. I've got a long way to go to be ready for the MdS, but I know I wouldn't have even done the little bit I've done without your coaching and most of all, your inspiration!

Go get 'em!