Monday, May 22, 2006

the big 3 words

 Is it hard for your parents to tell you that they love you. I mean actually look at you in the eyes and say the big 3 words? I LOVE YOU.
It is for mine. I think my parents generation and the one before were never verbally told that they were loved. My parents never told us they loved us either and most of my friends say that theirs never did either.
I was going to run the Bishop 50 mile race over the weekend but decided I really needed to go and spend that time with my father, I'm still here. Calhoun Louisiana! It has been sunny and 90 degrees everyday and its going to be like this all week!
My father has not lived here long. He was living in another little town which was 25 miles away from any store! Now he lives right next door to his sister and other family.
My father is the oldest of 8 kids. He never went past the 4th grade due to having to stay home and work the farm to help support money for the family. When his mother died while being pregnant with her 9 child she was my age, 45! At this time my father never went back to school. All he ever knew how to do was work and help take care of his family.
He never really had a childhood with playing, swimming or all the fun things my kids will get to do, God willing. All he did was work as a kid and all he did when he became a father was work to support our family.
My father was never around, he was always working! I'm one of 5 kids. I have 3 older brothers and a younger sister. My parents were able to give us a great life full of trying every sport that you could try. I feel blessed and fortunate. My mother was the driver she drove us to all the sports, watched them and still had dinner on the table every night and we ate as a family. But, my father never came to any of the sports for any of us 5 kids.
I had a full time job when I was 13 years old and I still have several full time jobs but I have learned that balance and my husband and kids are much more important than any job, thank goodness.
Who did I learn that I had to work all day? you got it, my father.
I can hear his words telling me right now, You have to be tough girl, you have to be tough.
Well just this weekend I was telling my father about the BW double and why I was doing this journey and what it meant to me. I looked right through his eyes and asked him if he thought I was tough enough yet? He said, well what do you mean.
I explained to him, that I spent half my life trying to be the best athlete I could be, the best at anything I could be just praying he would come and watch me. The better I got, he still never came, the older I got he still never came.
I thought when I was younger I was not loved by my father the way I needed to be loved, I was looking for approval from my father to just girl you are good, I love you.
During this time this past weekend, Annabella looked at my father and said, grandpa your getting old huh? you don't feel so good do you? She ran and jumped in his lap and grabbed his checks in her little hands and said, I LOVE YOU poppy! He looked at her and said, me to.
Well, she was not going to take that for an answer, she said again..I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK, POPPY! He said, me to...
I was across the room with tears just falling to the ground. I said to my father, poppy she wants you to tell her the 3 words I waited all my life to hear from you. I LOVE YOU!
Saying me to is just not going to cut it. He looked at Annabella and then at me and he had tears. He squeezed her very tight and said I LOVE YOU TO!!!
What a moment for all of us. My father has told me he loved me in a card but never with words.
This opened up a conversation about this and my fathers response was, I have always loved you more than you could ever know and I thought you knew this. I said that saying the 3 words is very important for us all and why is it so hard for some to say?
My father parents never told him they loved him, he just thought they did.
I said well, I know you love me but I needed, I think we all need to hear the words, don't you?
Annabella made history this past weekend in many ways, more I will talk to you about at another time. She is black down here in a very southern place where my relatives were taught to dislike black people growing up. She has changed the mind set of all my relatives and she has them all telling her how much they love her.
I think we can all learn a very powerful lesson about this. Verbally saying I LOVE YOU will make the world of difference in everyone's life.
According to my father, I am way to tough:)
Many Blessings
Happy Feet!
Lisa Smith-Batchen


Anonymous said...

This is the best story you have posted to date! Thank you for opening up your feeling to all of us!

Ed Kelly

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how much I identified with this post! My father is from the same generation and those three little words have never been said. My Mother compensated by telling us all the time, well she died last year and a tremendous void has been created. Although it stinks, its also comforting to know I am not alone with this feeling.

Lisa, I have enjoyed your posts tremendously and you are certainly an inspiration. I look forward to assiting your efforts with my contributions!
Matt Campana
Corporate Motivation